It’s getting harder and harder to keep a smile on my face. My chest is getting tighter and it’s harder to breath each day. I didn’t think that I would feel so much pain and emptiness in my life. The moment I left Nashville three years ago was when I started to feel this way. Never would I have thought I’d let a man make me feel the way I do today. The man I loved for eight years broke my heart. Since then I have not been the same. I feel like a hypocrite because I was always telling everyone to stay strong and everything will be okay when I was not okay myself. No one would have known that I was empty and broken inside because I always wanted to be the strong and positive role model for everyone. For the past three years I have held it together and I felt okay but it is starting to hit me more the past few months. The more people I meet, the more I feel like I want to be alone. There are very few who I can truly be myself around. You truly know who I am if you have seen every side of me. It is harder and harder for me to let my walls down for new relationships and friendships. I feel like I am in a great place in life but there is still something missing. I have a great family, friends, a job, a car, a home but why do I feel this way? Do I feel like that because I am not fully healed from the past? Is it because I am used to being able to book a flight and leave whenever I want but now I feel guilty for even taking an extra day off of work? Is it because the man who hurt me made me feel like I was never good enough as a person and that I would never succeed in life? I know I will succeed but when others come into your life and prove that they are all almost the same you start to wonder why am I not good enough? It is harder for me to trust people because the man who I loved for eight years still contacts me and lies to me. I don’t believe his lies but it makes me wonder how people can sleep with all their lies and how they treat people. Who can I really trust? It is getting harder for me because I find myself getting attached to people who always disappear or don’t want me. It is getting harder for me because I am having a hard time finding time for myself. I always tell myself to surround myself with positivity but it seems like I have been bringing in negative energy lately. I know that I have a lot of amazing people in my life who will listen and be there for me but blogging is the best way for me to finally let things out because I do not feel comfortable talking to anyone. It already feels great typing this out. I know that I am not the only one who feels this way. I wanted to let the strong independent people who are trying to hold it together know that everything will be okay. You don’t have to please everyone. It is okay to let the world see your mistakes and your tears. We need to learn to accept and let go. I will find myself. I will make time for myself. I will be happy. I will be okay. Everything will fall into place and the pain will go away. I will accept and let go starting today.
Stepping out of your comfort zone is not the easiest thing to do. The older I get the more I continue to step out of my comfort zone. After my trip to Nashville I’ve been asking myself what could have happened if I visited 3 years ago like I wanted to. It made me realize that I need to take bigger steps and stop holding back. You aren’t living life if you aren’t taking chances right? A lot of times we hesitate and question ourselves because we are scared that we are gonna fail or disappoint the ones we love. Don’t doubt yourself, just do it. It is better to live life knowing you tried than to be asking yourself the “What if” questions. “What if people don’t like me?” “What if I can’t financially do it?” “What if I don’t like it?” These are some basic questions we always ask ourselves when it comes to making decisions on moving, starting a new job, starting school and much more. I believe that everything happens for a reason so just choose a path and everything else will fall into place.My decisions continue to change as I get older. We have to step out of our comfort zone, even if it means being alone and thousands of miles away from family. Sometimes that is what is needed to realize that you can make it on your own. Don’t stop until you make it to the top.
The moment you become comfortable in your own skin will be the moment you realize that life is easier. It is hard to not let what others have to say affect the decisions you make, but just remember that they are not the ones walking in your shoes. People will continue to judge you by what they see and hear no matter what. That should never be the reason why you are holding back from doing what is best for YOUR future. Show the world what you have to offer. Do not let anything or anyone get in the way of pursuing your dreams. We are all creative, unique, smart, and beautiful in our own way. Sometimes it is hard to branch out and try new things because you are scared of what is going to happen, but life is too short to sit around and wait for things to eventually happen. Go out there and experience things on your own. You will never find out what is best for you if you sit around and wait. Have fun and explore the world. We have to experience it all someday! I know I will next summer. Tamara takes LA! Los Angeles, I cannot wait for you to be my new home! 🙂 It has been a while since I have blogged, but I will be back at it!
Life will always throw you curve balls. The way you let these curve balls affect your life shows what kind of person you are. If you’re unhappy then do something about it. The decisions you make in life should be for yourself. No one else can control your life or your happiness. Just because someone doesn’t agree with the decisions you make or support you doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do what’s best for you. Always listen to your heart because it always knows what’s right. People will come in and out of your life but the ones who truly matter will always stay in your life. People will always have something to say about you whether it’s good or not. Who cares? People will be a lot happier if they didn’t care about what people have to say. What others have to say should never matter as long as you are happy and you are doing what’s best for you. Don’t stop until you make it to the top. Keep doing what you’re doing and worry about yourself. Be positive and positive things will come your way. The only way things will change in your life if you do something about it. Things don’t magically happen so be thankful for what you have and if you’re not happy then something needs to change. Happy Holidays 🙂
Hi guys. So this is my first official post! I’m so excited to start this new journey. I have so many great things happening and I would like to share it all with you. I will be posting a lot of pictures of my favorite outfits I put together (because I love getting dressed up), shows, and all of my new tattoos. You can read me by looking at all my tattoos. I believe that we live in a tough world. There are very few people in the world you can trust. No matter how beautiful/handsome, smart, caring, and hard you try to help people they always end up hurting you. Not many people have respect for one another or even themselves. A lot of people are miserable, depress, scared, and insecure because they are hurt by one they trusted physically and mentally. People will always have something bad to say no matter how hard you try to please everyone. All that matters is that you please yourself and that you’re happy with yourself. You’re the only person you can trust. Use the hurtful things people say to you to push yourself to the top. Don’t show them your weakness because that’s what they live off of. The best thing to do is show the world what you’re all about. I hope that I can help everyone become the person they want to be. We live in a cruel world but it’s up to us to help one another. The best thing in the world is to share your story and to know that you are strong enough to make it through it all because you’re not the only one going through it. The best feeling in the world is knowing that you can make a difference in the world if you really tried. This is why I wanted to start this blog. Not only to share my journey but to help you through your journey. I hope that I can make an impact in each and every one of your lives. Please don’t be afraid to reach out to me for help. When you hit rock bottom and just want to give up. Just know that there is someone out there that truly cares about you and that you could be the next person to change the world with your story.