It’s getting harder and harder to keep a smile on my face. My chest is getting tighter and it’s harder to breath each day. I didn’t think that I would feel so much pain and emptiness in my life. The moment I left Nashville three years ago was when I started to feel this way. Never would I have thought I’d let a man make me feel the way I do today. The man I loved for eight years broke my heart. Since then I have not been the same. I feel like a hypocrite because I was always telling everyone to stay strong and everything will be okay when I was not okay myself. No one would have known that I was empty and broken inside because I always wanted to be the strong and positive role model for everyone. For the past three years I have held it together and I felt okay but it is starting to hit me more the past few months. The more people I meet, the more I feel like I want to be alone. There are very few who I can truly be myself around. You truly know who I am if you have seen every side of me. It is harder and harder for me to let my walls down for new relationships and friendships. I feel like I am in a great place in life but there is still something missing. I have a great family, friends, a job, a car, a home but why do I feel this way? Do I feel like that because I am not fully healed from the past? Is it because I am used to being able to book a flight and leave whenever I want but now I feel guilty for even taking an extra day off of work? Is it because the man who hurt me made me feel like I was never good enough as a person and that I would never succeed in life? I know I will succeed but when others come into your life and prove that they are all almost the same you start to wonder why am I not good enough? It is harder for me to trust people because the man who I loved for eight years still contacts me and lies to me. I don’t believe his lies but it makes me wonder how people can sleep with all their lies and how they treat people. Who can I really trust? It is getting harder for me because I find myself getting attached to people who always disappear or don’t want me. It is getting harder for me because I am having a hard time finding time for myself. I always tell myself to surround myself with positivity but it seems like I have been bringing in negative energy lately. I know that I have a lot of amazing people in my life who will listen and be there for me but blogging is the best way for me to finally let things out because I do not feel comfortable talking to anyone. It already feels great typing this out. I know that I am not the only one who feels this way. I wanted to let the strong independent people who are trying to hold it together know that everything will be okay. You don’t have to please everyone. It is okay to let the world see your mistakes and your tears. We need to learn to accept and let go. I will find myself. I will make time for myself. I will be happy. I will be okay. Everything will fall into place and the pain will go away. I will accept and let go starting today.
Wow I cannot believe that 2015 is almost coming to an end. What an amazing year it has been! Every year I continue to achieve more then I plan to. Which is a good thing. You should always set high standards to challenge yourself. What is life without a challenge right? I hope you all have great goals for the year of 2016. I know I will definitely be traveling a lot. I hope to blog more and maybe even start a Vlog. It is crazy how time flies and how things can change in a flash. I have been blessed with so many opportunities this year. Some that even gave me the chance to make a difference in the lives of others. I hope that I continue to motivate others. There is nothing better then showing people that you can make anything happen. Life is so much better when you are positive. I once was a negative person who cared too much about what others thought but as I got older I realized that you won’t get anything out of life that way. The people who are judging you aren’t the ones living your life or paying your bills. I couldn’t be happier with the decisions I’ve made these past few years. I know that I will continue to rise to the top. If i can, I know you can 🙂 Don’t stop until you make it to the top! I could not ask for better people in my life. So many people coming in and out, but I have the right ones right by my side being the best support ever. Here’s to the ones who have lost hope. Keep pushing yourself to do better everyday and if you have already achieved your goals. Set bigger and better ones. Never give up! Don’t forget to smile and be thankful that you get to see another day. Don’t wait for the Change. Be the Change. Happy Holidays!
It is crazy how life works. You can’t predict the future. Everything can be great but it only takes one thing to make you feel like your whole life is falling apart. What really matters is your attitude and the way you handle life. You never know what could happen tomorrow. Whether it’s good or bad I believe that everything happens for a reason and you should always stay positive. Every morning I wake up feeling thankful. Thankful that I get to wake up in a warm house. Blessed that I have a job and a car. Blessed with amazing friends and family. Sometimes all we think about is what we want and not what we have already. So when you’re having a bad day just stop and think about all the good things you have in life. Always appreciate the little things people do for you. Don’t forget to let the people you care about know that you love them. Take a minute to say hi to someone you walk by. You never know what that person is going through. Even a smile could make a difference in a stranger’s life. Let’s start spreading a positive energy. You can make a difference. Be the change.